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Boobs are a lot like train sets, they were meant for kids, but dad always ends up wanting to play with them.
Who else`s favorite Spring time game is "Guess how deep that pothole really is."
Go through a fast food drive thru. When they repeat your order back to you, say "And can I get that to go?" and enjoy the confused silence.
Lazy Rule 47: If you spill water, it will eventually dry.
I hate that feeling when you feel you wrote something good on facebook and then nobody likes your status. Depressing... :(
I’ve discovered, the easiest way to change a flat tire is by not wearing a bra.
Swans mate for life...in case you were wondering what made them so mean.
If Jesus is the reason for the season.......why is the church parking lot empty and Wal Marts is full?
Secretly replaced the bacon with beggin` strips. Let`s see if the customers notice.
Condoms prevent minivans.
I bet you can`t keep the funny and not funny the same number.
I’m just gonna let my pillow decide my hairstyle for tomorrow.
I always drink responsibility I make sure that someone is responsible for buying me drinks.
If anybody in North America needs a napkin, hit me up. I should have enough in my car’s glovebox for each of you.
Releasing a long silent fart as I walk through first class on the way to my economy seat is definitely my favorite part of boarding an aircraft.