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“Let me rephrase this question so I can get pissed off at you all over again.” - WOMEN
I`m on this great new diet called "sleep through breakfast"
Never trust a person with only one Facebook photo of themselves.
For all of you who gossip about me: Thanks for making me the center of your world.
You know you`re single when the only calls you get at night are Nature`s.
The best things in life are free, but they still screw you on shipping.
It must be annoying for nudists when they have to clean their glasses
He is proud of himself. He finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said 2-4 years.
Dear who ever’s reading this, I could be naked right now and you would never know.
A lot of attractive people are like nice cars with the check engine light on.
I thought `Pokemon` was a Jamaican Porn... My bad...
I`ll always be here for you ... Unless we run out of beer, and someone has some over there. Then I`ll be over there for you.
When you think about how big the Earth is, then how small it is compared to the Sun, and how the Sun is just a speck of dust in the universe, it`s easy to justify eating an entire chocolate cake.
I use sarcasm because flat out telling you you’re a moron is considered inappropriate and is frowned upon. And I was raised better than that.
Dear small line of dirt that wont go in the dustpan… Screw you.