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Waiting to see how long it takes this police sketch artist to realize I`m describing him.
Two girls riding their bikes on a cobble stone road. 1st girl: I never came this way before. 2nd girl: Me neither. It must be the cobble stones.
Don`t be embarrassed by who you are. Unless you`re stupid. Then you`re pretty much screwed.
Sarcasm is just one of the many services I offer to people who ask stupid questions.
Just had workplace violence training. It`s like HR doesn`t even care about the first rule of fight club.
October is breast awareness month for women, men are usually aware of breasts all year round.
I hate it when I`m singing a song and the artist keeps messing up the words.
I wish the buck stopped here…I could use a few.
Stress balls work best when you shove them down somebody`s throat.
My girlfriend asked me to send some dirty pics. So I sent her a picture of my sink full of dishes. :)
When in doubt, procrastinate.
To-Do List : Nothing[?]
She heard me call her a bitch so now I have 100 problems.
Crossfit is the healthiest way to get rid of your friends.
There are 2 kinds of coworkers. The ones who keep iPhone 5 chargers at their desks and the ones whose names I don`t know.