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There`s a time and place for wine, In my hand and now.
Oh Mickey, you’re so fine, you’re so fine you blow my mind. Hey Mickey. Hey Hey Mickey!..face it you didn’t read that, you sang it.
Being `clean and sober` means I`ve showered and I`m headed to the liquor store.
The recipe said “Set the oven to 180 degrees,” so I did, but now I can’t open it because the door faces the wall.
I`m convinced some people got married just so they could gripe about being married...
Every club is a strip club, if you have the money. Every zoo is a petting zoo, if you have the balls.
Don’t get your panties in a bunch. The nicer ones are sold individually.
Never underestimate a woman’s ability to make anything your fault.
If one teacher cannot teach every subject, then how come one student is expected to learn all the subjects.
If I were a pilot I would scream “WE’RE GOING DOWN” every time I landed the plane.
I don`t think the guy below me understands how this works.
My new diet is not buying things at the store that make the cashier say wow someone`s having a party
I`m smiling ... You should be scared.
Before you refer to someone as your ex, make sure they know you dated.
Someone smells like cigarettes and bad decisions.......Oh it`s me? Sorry about that.