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People, like prescription drugs, should have to list the side effects they`re likely to cause.
Have you hugged you bartender today.
Corn mazes are great because how often does one get to experience the feeling of being trapped by corn
My hair only looks good on days when no one important sees it.
I went to the store and saw that Duracell batteries were on sale just before Valentine`s Day. Someone is a marketing genius.
I`m not impatient. You`re just slow.
My hatred for Nicki Minaj probably stems from my fear of clowns.
The best part of time travel will be sleeping until noon and making it to work on time at 8am.
I`m bringing sexy back...if I only I can remember where I had it last....
I`m not saying your opinion is stupid, I`m just saying you`re stupid for having it
I made a huge TO DO list for this weekend. I just can`t figure out who`s going to do it.
I sure do feel a lot more attractive at Walmart than I do at the gym.
The toughest thing in business is minding your own.
Babies are really cute until you meet one that`s not a picture.
When my dog sniffs another dog’s poop I can only assume that it’s their equivalent to checking a friend’s facebook page.