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You know you watch too much porn when you go to a hospital expecting a threesome.
Maybe the reason Uncle Phil hated Will was because the first thing Will gave him was a $3700 cab ride bill from Philly to Bel-Air.
My mind says diet, but my stomach is all SHUT UP BITCH.
Starbucks announced guns are no longer allowed in their stores. Seems crazy banks didn`t think of this.
No one ever said life was easy, but several people did say that you were.
Imagine how much faster Olympic sprinters could run if they saw their wives going through their phones at the finish line
To the makers of rice cakes; thanks for nothing!
I don`t trust stairs. They always look like they`re up to something.
People who live in bouncy castles shouldn’t throw darts.
So long pants! See you Monday!
Grabbed Pizza Roll. Thought "my god that is so hot it`s burning my fingers" and immediately popped it in my mouth ... I`m a goddamn genius.
It`s the weekend!!! I haven`t been this excited since my phone got stuck on vibrate.
Within 2 minutes, I can gather enough things to allow me to sit and watch tv without getting up for at least 4 hours... Don`t question my laziness
Kinda hard to believe not a single mutant at professor Xavier’s school had the power to heal a dude’s legs.
What if Spider Man has to stop a crime in the countryside