Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I’m just like everyone else: I put my straight jacket on one buckle at a time.
I am not acting childish and you`re just a big doody-head.
Every time I see a safety warning on a product I can`t help think to myself how natural selection has failed us once again...
If you have ever sat in the toilet at work and wondered how long you can sit there before someone searches for you, the answer is 47 minutes
The only thing that makes me happy about the launch of a new model cell phone is that I can finally afford the previous model.
If the river were beer and I was a duck, I would swim to the bottom and never come up..
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Red, Trees Are Red ... F*ck? my gardens on fire!
In grade school it’s called bullying but when you get older it’s referred to as upper level management.
I like wearing glasses because I like to dramatically remove them before I say something profound. Doing that with contacts doesn`t have the same effect.
Did you know that DNA actually stands for "National Dislectic Association"
If I didn`t drink, how would everyone know how much I love them at 2am?
This day will end with either wine or shopping. Probably both.
I hate getting my picture taken. Especially in front of a height chart at the police station.
If life is a Bitch, then why hasn´t it made me a Sandwich
be smart, pretend to be stupid!