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It`s called "Biscotti" because nobody would buy "chocolate covered croutons".
Vodka and denial are cheaper than therapy.
I will be posting telepathically today. So if you think of something funny, that was me.
Have you ever wondered what a job application at Hooters is like? Maybe they just give you a bra and say, “here, fill this out”.
New kitchen game: `Fridge and Cupboard Tetris`- Putting the possibility of being pummeled by a food avalanche on a whole new level of adventure.
Laziness: the habit of resting before you get tired.
Let`s party like there`s no tomorrow and call in sick if there is one.
Just once would I like to see the "Phone a Friend" lifeline on Millionaire go straight to voicemail.
My internet went down. By which I mean my neighbors changed their password.
I have a fear of elevators, but I have an even greater fear of exercise.
Ate salad for dinner! Mostly croutons & tomatoes. Really just one big, round crouton covered with tomato sauce. And cheese. I ate a pizza.
Diet Tip #63 : Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour.
Sharks aren’t so bad. If some stranger entered my house wearing only a Speedo, I would probably attack him too.
Does anybody know how many toddlers you have to bring to `Toys For Tots` before you`re eligible for an Xbox?
I like to track people down, knock on their front door and say "we have ten people in common on Facebook, can I come in ?"