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The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider doing it.
A new study has found that women with larger butts live longer than men who mention it.
Trying to figure out why I joined the gym when I have Photoshop.
Lake Superior really needs to lose the attitude.
I always close my eyes when I kiss a woman. Experience tells me that if my eyes are open, I get a lot more pepper spray in them.
If you`re going to walk a mile in my shoes...Can you pick me up some beer on your way back?
Don`t cry because it`s over, smile because you have incriminating evidence.
I’ve never pretended to be anything I’m not…except for sober. I’ve pretended to be sober a few times.
Etc... A word used to make others believe that you know more than you actually do
I would rather lie there and accept death than try to get out of a hammock while anyone is watching me.
Fun fact: Deciding where to eat is the leading cause of divorce
Remember before Amazon reviews when you could just buy a toothbrush without 6 hours of research?
In heaven, the Cheez-Its are salted on both sides.
I was thinking about jumping on the Patriot`s Fan bandwagon, but I am afraid that the tires would be deflated...
I just don`t get life insurance. Why would I want to give my family a financial incentive to kill me?