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The part of “no” that I don’t understand is the part where I don’t get what I want.
Great. Trapped in an elevator with a dead body again. Well not exactly dead yet but he`s making noises with his gum
Studies confirm that smoking withdrawal (for me) can be fatal (for you).
Hey Guys, I don’t have Instagram but I just wanted to let you know that I had oatmeal for breakfast. No sugar, mixed with water.
To be honest with you, I start all my lies with to be honest with you.
The wet spot in my bed is tears
I’m the king of balancing more trash on top of an already full trash can.
I`m working harder than an ugly stripper!!
The boss said I should let my creative juices flow. What he doesn’t know is that my creative juices are vodka and cranberry.
Apparently, "Giant ones" is not the appropriate response to the question, "What are the steps you would take in the event of an emergency?"
I want someone to look at me the way I look at cupcakes.
Life is all about tough decisions such as… Getting enough sleep or staying on the internet.
Me: You`re the prettiest girl I`ve ever seen. Her: You just want to have sex with me. Me: And you`re smart too, I like that.
drinks well with others.
She caught my iphone before it hit the ground... She`s definitely my screensaver