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I need me a pretty girl with an ugly girl personality
My superpower is making people laugh ... Which would be great if I was trying to be funny
All the noises I used to make during sex, I now make getting up in my truck.
If I saw a ghost, I would not be scared. I’d be like “Sit your translucent ass down, I have a lot of questions!”
New word of the day: Stupidiot!!
$5.99 Trojan condoms or $19.99 Huggies diapers. Choose wisely...
I went to buy condoms and the cashier just said "yeah right" and put em back on the shelf
The only time I`ve ever early to anything is when I`m dropping my kids off to be watched by somebody else.
is currently amending my "Who gets money" list when I win the lottery ... who has something nice to say?
Keep your friends close and your fat friends closer, because snacks.
A trail of clothes leading to my bedroom means I dropped them on the way from the dryer.
If pulled over, immediately ask the officer if they`ve been drinking in order to establish dominance.
No need to drive me crazy. I can walk from here.
Money isn´t everything but it sure keeps you in touch with your children.
I think that some of the people I see in Wal Mart shouldn`t be allowed to leave Wal Mart.