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scream outloud and really fast "I won a math debate"
It`s called PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
According to cannibals it only takes one vegetarian to make vegetarian chili.
A trail of clothes leading to my bedroom means that I dropped them on the way from the dryer
Saying that your company has been in business since the 1800`s isn`t a selling point. Slavery existed then too...
I don’t understand why I cant lose weight. I thought dieting was a piece of cake.
I`m in big trouble if my coworkers find out I don`t really have Tourette`s.
My girlfriend asked me to send some dirty pics. So I sent her a picture of my sink full of dishes. :)
I like candle lit dinners, romantic walks on the beach, and hardcore pornography.
Is it bad when I’m talking to myself and I’m not even listening?
Every so often you come across a person that supplies you with endless motivation, even if it is just to jump into traffic.
I admit ive been known to wrap bacon in bacon just for the extra bacon flavor
WebMD auto dialed an ambulance when I entered my chicken nugget intake.
Imagine if trees gave off WiFi signals, We would be planting so many trees. And we`d probably save the planet too! Too bad they only produce the oxygen we breath :/
If anybody in North America needs a napkin, hit me up. I should have enough in my car’s glovebox for each of you.