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A person who says they will never lie to you is probably lying already.
FYI fellas: if you wake up with some chick and you can`t remember her name, take her to Starbucks. They`ll write her name on the cup for ya!!!
How old were you when you found out your parents were using Santa Claus as a behavior-modification tool?
if you wake up at 3am and scream bloody mary three times in the mirror, your mom will tell you to shut up and go to bed
Royal baby was born at 8 pounds. Thats like 12 dollars.
If video games have taught me anything, it’s that if you encounter enemies then you’re going the right way.
Is it so much to ask that everyone who ever wronged me be forced to leave the country and change their identity?
There are so many scams on the Internet now. Send me $19.95 and I will tell you how to avoid them.
I keep my landline active because I know sooner or later Trinity or Morpheus will contact me.
The nice thing about being a guy is your underwear only costs $10 for a 3-pack.
Anything you say will be used against you, in an argument, 10 months from now, because I’m a woman. And we never forget. Anything. Ever.
Doctors are saying that each piece of bacon you eat takes 9 minutes off your life.... Based on the math, I should have died in 1732.
Nice try speed bumps, it`s a rental.
Not only am I a master of suspense, but I
Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you`ll be really far away from me with your motivational nonsense.