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If I was rich, I`d do nothing all day from a much nicer couch
So,do people in England speaks American now that people in America speaks English?
They say when a man holds a woman’s hand before marriage, it is love, after marriage, it is self-defense.
Attention idiots: as you continue to read something clearly addressed to idiots. Idiot.
That awkward moment when you realize this year is just going to be filled with morons talking about the end of the world the whole time.
I don`t want to set the world on fire........just you.
Arguing politics is like trying to convince someone that their baby isn`t cute.
There are no limits to what you can accomplish when you’re supposed to be doing something else.
Tip of the day: When the cop asks you if you had anything to drink in the last 24 hours, do NOT ask them for the time... trust me
"Well, now I see how you came up with the word `Microsoft`." -Melinda Gates (on their wedding night)
My package finally came today. this is awesome....it means I have bubble wrap to play with
There is a gym called Anytime Fitness. I choose 2030.
It`s called NASCAR because that`s the way a hillbilly pronounces "nice car"
My method of going "offline" in FB chat is to just ignore you.
I just want to alternate between napping and eating all day everyday while getting attention, so basically I just wish I were a dog.