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I think it`s safe to say that my 2 year old is definitely more excited to see the fire truck next door than my neighbor.
My superpower is making people laugh ... Which would be great if I was trying to be funny
Be honest, you haven’t even walked a mile in your own shoes.
Scream “Chrome is better than Firefox” around a group of geeks if you wanna see them argue for 2 hours.
A spoon full of sugar helps the medicine go down, unless that medicine is insulin.
I`ve just released my own fragrance...No one on the bus seems to like it though.
It`s a little known made up fact of mine that 40% of the air inside a Taco Bell is just farts.
Today is Valentine’s Day or as I call it… Tuesday.
Today`s Horoscope: You`re gullible.
More people would call the Gambling Addicts Helpline if they made every 5th caller a winner.
I don`t understand fat poor people. What are you eating? Broken hopes and dreams?
Due to the economic crisis and ever increasing price of food, the 5 second drop rule has now been increased to 10.
Dear Ninja Turtles, Why are you wearing masks? There are no other giant, mutated turtles. No one`s gonna mistake a different turtle for you.
My girlfriend wanted me to come shopping, but I had a headache... I must have caught it from her last night when we didn`t have sex.
My 5 year old set up the lemonade stand all by himself and, while I`m proud of him, I doubt he`ll make a lot of sales in the backyard.