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I don’t have an attitude problem… You have a problem with my attitude… That’s your problem, not mine.
I`m trying to be healthy and grow my own food but I can`t find any Twinkie seeds. :/
I consider my body less of a temple and more of a ruin.
After years of commercials, I still have no idea what a Go Daddy is
I love long walks on the beach under the moonlight, poetry, candlelight dinners, and having my a$$ spanked with a fuzzy slipper.
It`s 2014, people. Isn`t it about time we put an end to all this `wake up in the morning and go to work` nonsense?
Just rescued a Coca Cola that was trapped in the fridge!
Sometimes I get shivers in my spine just thinking about how much tougher Popeye would`ve been if he`d eaten fresh spinach instead of canned.
If I hit snooze 3 times it should automatically send an email to my boss saying I`ll be out sick.
My 12 step program means parking closer to the bar.
Its sad that we live in a world that puts words into the dictionary if enough stupid people use it.
Right now my life is about as organized as the $5 DVD bin at Wal-mart.
I`m proud to announce that I`m still the undefeated champion at racing with drivers who don`t know we`re racing.
Today was about as much fun as a warm toilet seat in a public restroom!
My favorite exercise is a combination of a lunge and a crunch. It`s called lunch.