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Perhaps Nicki Minaj just lost a series of bets.
Do not read the next sentence. You little rebel, that`s why I like you.
Sometimes it`s nice to know karma is still a feisty little b!tch.
Meal prepping is basically eating a week`s worth of leftovers from a meal that never happened.
A man walks into a bar & orders a beer. He drinks it, looks in his pocket & orders another. This happens 7 more times. Bartender asks, "What`s in your pocket?" Man says, "I have a photo of my wife in there. When she looks good enough, I`ll go home."
I just ordered a Life Alert bracelet so if I ever get a life I`ll be notified immediately.
I don`t remember anything that happened, but I may have had a drink or two...
No matter how loud you crank the bass, it`s still a minivan.
Life is not fair. But life is not fair for everyone, which actually makes it fair.
"You CAN even."- white girl life coach
Nothing says lazy like laying on the couch making today`s responsibilities tomorrow`s problem.
Sometimes words are not enough. That`s why I always like to keep a baseball bat with me, just in case...
The only thing worse than it raining after you wash your car is having to go poop after you get out of the shower.
I`ll bet whoever said "keep your friends close and your enemies closer" had just farted
I hope daylight savings time hasn`t thrown you off your schedule of doing nothing.