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Vodka is just amazing water.
Apparently, “I had an interview with a better company” is not an acceptable reason for being late for work.
An apple a day is bullsh!t. Apples are dangerous. Just look at Eve, Snow White, Blackberry or any pig at a luau.
That son of a b*tch moment when you`re walking around the house with socks on and step on a random wet spot.
If a girl texts you and asks if you think she`s fat and you try to respond "Nooo" autocorrect changes it to "Moo" so that`s pretty cool.
You are here: X
Some days there just isn`t enough give-a-damn.
You`ve been on more hotel pillows then chocolate mints.
She asked me to make her feel special so I gave her a helmet and crayons.
Your secrets are safe with me because I zone out everytime you speak.
Being stuck in the`` friend zone`` is like an employer refusing you for a job and calling you to complain about the person he hired.
I’m at the age where all my posts start with the phrase “I’m at the age where.”
I’ve found that the things I’m most interested in aren’t really in my best interest.
Don`t send me a ;) face and then wonder why I show up at your house naked.
I rather read the software license agreement for my computer than some peoples Facebook status drama on my newfeeds