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My neck, My back, My Netflix and my snacks...
I´m the kind of person that when my feet hit the ground each morning the devil says, "OH CRAP, HE´S UP"!
Shoutout to my parents for not wearing a condom and creating the most awesome person alive.
The older I get .... The more dangerous it is to sneeze
Dear Haters, I have so much more for you to be mad at me for...please be patient.
If you think your wife has a great sense of humor, try leaving a trail of rose petals leading to a sink full of dirty dishes. Not the best idea a man ever had ;)
My son asked me to explain women to him, so I bought him an XBOX game for his Playstation.
I don`t know why I ever signed up for Facebook. I mean like seriously, this dating website sucks!
In a new study women with large a$$es live longer………the men who tell them live distinctively shorter lives.
People who walk in front of the theatre screen while you`re watching a pirated movie on your computer are so rude.
Is it just me or does the word "retweet" bring up images of Elmer Fudd commanding an army on the defensive?
I wish electronics would scream a little bit when you unplugged them.
Honestly, I have no idea what I would even do with 5 hours of energy.
So apparently, all you can eat buffets do not include the waitresses...
I`m terribly conflicted when people I hate from work, bring cupcakes.