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You lied....you don`t have a Klondike Bar do ya?
Just for fun, next time you see a snooty, rich woman at the grocery store, ask her if she works there.
If I`ve learned anything from 50 Shades of Grey, its that women still haven`t figured out you can watch porn at home... for free.
Going on a dangerous assignment. If I don`t come back, can someone please tell my girlfriend that I always found her laugh really annoying. Thanks.
I`ve never been skydiving, but I`ve zoomed in on Google Earth really, really fast.
Alcohol: Because no good story starts with “So this one time I was eating a salad….”
Did anyone else ever wonder why the Easter Bunny gave away chocolate eggs? Last I checked, bunnies don’t lay eggs. What kind of sick new species is this?
I should eat more healthy, but we all saw how that whole apple thing went for Adam & Eve.
when a police officer yells turn around . Do not respond by singing . Every now and then i get a little bit lonely when you never come around
Serving size ?? LMAO
Why isn’t the default for online shopping “view all”? Who likes to skip through 20 pages of only 12 items…
Just once I`d like a doctor to tell me I`m not getting enough beer in my diet.
once you delete your birthday from Facebook, you realize no-one ever gave a sh!t about you all along!
At what number beer are you offically not working from home anymore?
Ever wish the choice you made and the “right thing to do” were the same thing?