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Don’t underestimate my ability to do absolutely nothing.
So you`ll be able to buy Girl Scout Cookies online this year ... Your move Weight Watchers
When I die and I`m standing at the gates, I hope they give me the carpenter`s cup challenge from Indiana Jones. I`m totally ready for that one.
Halloween always exposes my weakness for Milk Duds, I am powerless. Tomorrow I will attend MDA, Milk Duds Anonymous
The recipe I am making says to chill for 30 minutes so I`m sitting back and having a margarita!
Just ate a whole bag of chips, but it was “reduced fat” so basically it was like going to the gym.
My only argument with using the treadmill, is that I can`t run away from my farts.
After a certain point, the `F` on the thermometer no longer stands for Fahrenheit.
I like when google answers my stupid questions because it means I`m not the only one asking google stupid questions.
There should be an observation deck at Walmart.
The more I get to know you, the more I`m convinced that you are the sole inspiration behind many medications.
If you can make a woman laugh, you`re almost there. If you`re almost there & she laughs, now that`s a different thing.
I could spend my day outside, but I`m sure there`s plenty of porn that needs to be rated.
Shout out to ATM fees for making me buy my own money.
Sign in a grocery store: Take lettuce from top of stack, or heads will roll!