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Who needs dance lessons when you`ve got alcohol?!
I’m going to start telling women that I’m available for a limited time only in hopes that their shopping instinct kicks in.
If I could have sex with anyone, living or dead, I`d probably pick living.
My wife let me remove all her clothes last night ... From the dryer
Sarcasm. Because communicating with morons is hard.
Did you know that one minute of kissing burns 26 calories? No wonder those sluts are so damn skinny.
When a man says he`ll do anything for a woman, he means slaying dragons, killing zombies and rescuing her from castle towers. IT DOES NOT MEAN cleaning garage, fixing roof and cleaning out the basement!
One of my female friend is reading a book called "Learn to drive in a week" for the last 3 years.
They said I couldn`t drink or operate machinery on my medication. But here I am…Driving a forklift…Sipping a beer…Lifting up my boss`s car…
The success of a marriage hinges entirely on the ability to know which of your wife’s clothing is okay to go into the dryer.
For the record "Wanna do it?" is not foreplay....
Being sick is your bodies way of saying “Hey, you really need to catch up on some TV”.
Thank god we don`t send messages with pigeons anymore. Where would I find 200 pigeons every day?
I thought kegels were like Jewish bagels