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You say `pervert with a telescope` ... I say `biological astronomer`.
What happened to all the Sour Patch parents?
I fell asleep at the wheel last weekend. My pottery was ruined.
On a scale of 1 to "Get out you`re fired" where does napping at work rank?
If your single and you know it…Pet your cat!
If a woman is talking to me about her problems, I better be the cause of them.
Pregreening - creeping forward while waiting for a red light to change.
You may think it`s bad grammar but I assure you it`s just laziness.
My favorite part of the Bible is when God gives humans free will, then kills them with a flood because they didn`t act the way he wanted.
Where did all the people walking around with boomboxes in the 80s go? I`m concerned
I`ll never forget the first time we met. Although, I will keep trying.
A naughty thought is a terrible thing to waste
I dont believe in beating my kids, so I make them wear a Justin Bieber shirt & crocs to school so the other kids will do it for me.
If you wear your old prom dress to the pharmacy, they`ll fill your antidepressants faster.
I like people the most when I`m by myself.