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Giving my wife a bikini wax for the first time. Should I wake her up or just let it be a surprise?
I`m pretty sure all dogs can smell drugs. It`s just that most of them aren`t snitches.
Life would be so much better if throughout the day we encountered randomly placed Piñatas
is trying to decide ... laundry today or naked tomorrow
You can`t Febreze bullshit.
I love arguing with you so much, I`ll bring a Ouija board to your funeral.
cavemen were posting on walls before it was cool
My cat just dragged in a half eaten sausage, I have no idea where he got it from but it tastes expensive.
My mother always used to think that my friends were bad influences. ..I wonder if she`s figured out yet that I was the one coming up with all the ideas? ;)
You the bomb" "No you the bomb" A compliment in America. An argument in the middle east
It’s only Wednesday and I’m 95% done with this week.
Think about how much more stressful life`s most stressful moments would be if accompanied by the running-out-of-time music in Mario Bros.
I love Ebay. Sold my homing pigeon 8 times last month.
Snails would be terrifying if they moved quickly.
Something about summertime brings out the beer guzzling Homer Simpson in me.