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I know you people are crazy. I can spot my own kind a mile away.
Why do they play this music on the elevators if we`re not suppose to slow dance.
I lost an ibuprofen under my dresser a week ago and now I`m worried the spiders are coming after me with no headaches and renewed vigor.
Roses are red, dead ones are black, why is your chest as flat as your back?
DO NOT LIKE THIS… Unless you’re a sexy beast.
It doesn´t matter if the glass is half empty or half full. There is clearly room for more alcohol.
You don’t look like 200 likes in person.
nothing says i love you like, "im going to buy you new duct tape for your taillight, what color you want? "
My 2017 resolution is to stop thinking so much about the future.
My girlfriend told me I`m starting to annoy her because I relate everything to batman... What a joker!
I need to start setting an alarm to go to bed.
keep scrolling I`ve got nothing....
Curling irons have a warning tag that says “For External Use Only.” Which of you sick mofos made that necessary?
I hate it when people tell me I look young for my age because it implies my age is old.
100 years ago everyone owned a horse and only the rich had cars. Today everyone has cars and only the rich own horses. The stables have turned.