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Just think about all the stuff you aren`t thinking about.
When you screw up, menopause can be a wonderful excuse for stupid things you do or say!!!
Sometimes I wish that I could put my wife on airplane mode.
I love a room with a fire place it sets the tone for a romantic night, drinking wine slow dancing, burning evidence.
This generation is guilty of making the wrong people rich and famous.
Just once I wanna see a pregnancy test commercial where the female is like, "Aww, f**k..."
Judging from all the misery and carnage on my newsfeed, I`m assuming it`s Monday.
Why is it when you run into a spider web, you suddenly turn into a ninja?
FACT: How kids feel about snow days is the exact opposite of how parents feel about snow days.
Have you ever noticed how people who play candy crush are always saying they need a life?
Hey babe, go to Google Earth, zoom in on your house. See that blue cap in the bushes? Hi!
When everything is coming your way, you`re probable in the wrong lane.
I`ve spent three hours investigating this chicken and I still can`t find his nuggets.
There damn well better be strippers & beer at my intervention because there is no way in hell I`m sitting through that sober!
Being an adult is mostly pretending to like wine and saying "the economy" a lot.