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The meek shall inherit the earth. Probably because they`re the only ones who won`t complain about what we`ve done to it.
No matter how old you are, an empty Christmas wrapping paper tube is still a light saber.
They should start selling Photoshop CD`s at cosmetic shops.
That awkward moment when you gently throw your phone onto your bed and it decides to Bounce of 3 walls, Knock over a lamp and kill a cat.
One day my fridge will take revenge on me by opening my bedroom door every half hour, staring at me for a few minutes and then leave.
R2-D2 from Star Wars, still holds the record for most curse words in a movie.
I took out an ad for a girlfriend recently and 10 guys tried to give me theirs.
Is it just me, or that sea witch Ursula from the Little Mermaid inspired from a full blown flamboyant drag queen?
Thanksgiving advice: Sit at the kids table for as many years as possible.
If you see someone crying, ask them if it is because of their haircut.
Very little scares me. So does very big.
When Miley is naked & licks a hammer it’s “art” & “music” ... but when I do it, I`m “wasted” & “have to leave Home Depot"
The closest I ever got to murdering is when I held a Oreo cookie in milk until the bubbles stop.
Please don`t come to my garage sale if you`ve ever let me borrow something.
I must have drank more than I thought last weekend...there`s an entire hour that I don`t remember!