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Why would I ever pay to go to a NASCAR event when I could get drunk beside the interstate and cheer for cars for free?
I have to wonder why we have "non-essential" government employees in the first place.
I wish common sense was more common.
When people say they did something "like a boss" I just picture them doing it fatter and with less hair
I still believe in love. But I also believe in sasquatch, nessy, and that I could win the lottery. So there`s that....
If ignorance really was bliss we`d have a lot more really happy people around here.
Have we considered putting Scooby Doo and the gang on the Malaysian airplane caper?
Well, THAT Jehovah`s Witness isn`t going to forget anytime soon what they witnessed when I answered the door.
Any time someone says "have you seen that YouTube video?" I always say yes......... Because otherwise they make you watch it on their phone
If people rode their spouses like they did their brakes the divorce rate would drop drastically.
I hate how after an argument I think of really clever stuff I should have said.
Tupperware: When you want to throw out your food some other day.
If I can’t act weird around you, I’m sorry we can’t be friends.
Ladies, I hate to break this to you, but curves and rolls are not the same thing.
You’d think the chances of putting in a USB drive wrongside-up would be 50-50, but nope, 90-10.