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I`m like the stink in your feet.....I will always be with you.
Happy people don`t take long showers.
I hate the snow so much, I want to build a snowman just so I can punch it in its face.
No matter how little I do in a day. I always feel like I could have done less.
When I drink alcohol.. everyone says I`m an alcoholic. But.. When I drink Fanta.. no one says I`m fantastic.
Nobody on television curses more than the Roadrunner.
I don`t get it. If violets are blue, why do we call them violets?
If you`re gonna label the silica gel "do not eat", maybe you should label everything in the box. I almost ate a shoe before someone stopped me
Today is "find your active cavity at 50% off" day at your local store.
Why is the guy who serves you at the restaurant called a waiter, when it is you that is waiting?
Anyone notice the irony behind “hyphenated” and “non-hyphenated”?
Frankly auto correct,I`m getting tired of your shirt.
Sometimes, I send game request just to piss people off :)
We`ve spent years planning and preparing for the zombie apocalypse all for nothing......clowns....its gonna be clowns that finish us off.
My resume is really just a list of things I never want to do again.