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You know you are old when your parties have glasses instead of red plastic cups.
My life`s paradox: I love sleeping, but I never want to go to bed early.
I’m probably single because I forgot to forward those chain messages from 2008.
Don´t believe all the rumours you hear about me, the truth is much worse.
i don`t know what to say on your comment so i just hit "like" so you won`t be upset that ignored you.
I used to be a terrible flirt ... I am much better at it now.
My wife and I decided not to have kids. The kids are taking it pretty hard.
I can`t find my happy place this morning, mind if I goto yours
I saw something that reminded me of you.. so I flushed the toilet and washed my hands(:
Id explain it to you, but I don’t have any crayons with me.
I hate it when people radiotype us blondes as dumb.
I say ” I shouldn’t be telling you this,” at the beginning of every conversation so people will listen to what I’m saying.
Co-worker: My wife`s an angel. Me: You`re lucky, mine`s still alive.
Men also have feelings. For example, we can feel hungry
If the best things in life really are free, why am I still getting charged at the liquor store? I call bullshit