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Today: I`m going to be understanding, productive, and nice. WHAT? Stop laughing! I`m serious!
Yes I have a dirty mind ... And you`re on it!
Neighbor just yelled at me for playing in his sprinkler. Note to self, I should wear clothes next time.
Instructions for having an adventure: 1. Stand outside restaurant. 2. Wait for someone to ask if you`re the valet. 3. Say yes.
The sight of naked cleavage reduces a man`s ability to reason by 50% ... Per boob.
When I was your age we had to open all doors by ourselves ... None of them knew we were coming.
Weird how “news” and “fact checking” are treated like two separate concepts these days.
Relax… We’re all crazy.. It’s not a competition.
Today is national bring your flask to work day. I just made it up. Tell the others...
Save water. Shower with me. ;)
is in his own little world but it´s okay they know me here.
IMPORTANT REMINDER: Sunday is Mother`s Day, which means Facebook is gonna be annoying as crap...
hey single people..tomorrow is officially `rebound day` after all the ridiculously high romantic expectations end in `epic fail`
Be the best you can be, while being the worst that you`re able to get away with.
If a cop pulls over a U-Haul, he`s trying to bust a move.