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I don`t ever need to go sky diving or bungee jumping. Leaving a pizza in the oven while I make a quick run to Walgreens is about all the adrenaline rush I can handle.
Here`s an idea...You go away and I`ll stop ignoring you.
I can walk up to any dog, rub its belly and make a friend ... That trick rarely works on people.
Facebook is basically just you having a conversation with yourself hoping that someone else will join in.
Sometimes I just go to work for the free internet.
You can`t make me believe there`s a shortage of jobs in this country when there are 23 cash registers at WalMart and only 3 cashiers.
If kindness really kills, you`ll always be completely safe around me.
Never compliment a woman on her sideburns ... no matter how magnificent they look.
I want to grow my own food but I can`t find any bacon seeds.
If Wyle E Coyote had enough cash to buy all that ACME stuff why didn’t he just buy dinner?
Any person can be nice to my face, but it takes a real friend to be nice behind my back.
I`m not a bitch, I just have a low bullsh!t tolerance.
Apple and Blackberry should team up and make a phone called the Pie.
After watching "Breaking Bad" and the VMAs in the same night, I think I`d rather my kid be a meth dealer than a musician.
If you Google the word `overreacting` there`s a picture of me using a fire extinguisher on a spider.