Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Money may not buy you happiness, but it does buy you all the sh1t you want!
All guys should learn from Mario Bros. No matter how far their princess is, they should go after her.
Heard the local weatherman say, "high in the thirties" & now I know the title to my autobiography.
Decisions decisions ... Guess I`ll drink on it.
Life is what you make it = 10% Shit happens = 90%
Kicking a man while he’s down burns 150 calories.
I love screwing with the minds of the foreign tech support guys. “My name is Perry, not Terry. With a P as in Pterodactyl.”
what is the first thing a homeless person does when he`s on a computer? he searches through the recycle bin
I call it a Cupcake Salad. And I don`t see how it`s any of your business.
Well, it`s easy to tell I`m single. It`s Saturday night and I`m at home updating my facebook status...
The only b word you should call a woman is beautiful. B!tches love to be called beautiful.
Remember when people had diaries & got mad when someone read them? Now they put everything online and get mad when people don`t
Ok a$$hole, just go around me. I`m already doing 30 over the limit, I`m not speeding up. Stupid car with your stupid flashing lights
When Miley Cyrus is naked and licks a hammer it’s “art” and “music”... but when I do it, I’m “wasted” and “have to leave Home Depot"
If I lived everyday like it was my last, the body count would be staggering.