Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Your dating profile should be like house listings. 1. Sq. footage 2. Date built 3. # of previous owners? 4. Finished basement?
With everything going on lately... I`ve got a lot of serious thinking to do! Oops....Did I say "Thinking".... I meant "Drinking"!!
A rainy Friday is still better than a sunny Monday.
Most people decide to have scramble eggs immediately after thinking: "I`ll just flip this omelette"
Leave the past behind. Smile every day. Never wear underwear. I don`t know. Inspirational statuses are hard.
Someone asked me how much love was worth and I couldn’t answer because alimony is calculated differently in each state.
I prefer not to think before I speak. I like being just as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.
The Discovery Channel should be on a different channel every day.
I`m certain that the reason for Wasps, Hornets, and Yellowjackets was to remind grown men that they can still scream like a little girl.
I like when people call me "Sir". I just wish they wouldn`t follow it up with "you`re making a scene."
It’s getting really annoying how eating makes you gain weight..
Okay, enough procrastination. Time for excuses.
A cop pulled me over and said ``Papers...`` So I said, ``Scissors, I win!`` and drove off like a boss!
It must be exhausting being offended by everything.
I always ask my waitress to name everything that comes in the salad then I respond “OK perfect, I want a cheeseburger with none of that on it.”