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The only thing I love more than cake is cakes.
My Memory.....The Second shortest thing I have.
Your license plate should be your phone number... So when you drive like a dumbass, I can let you know about it.
So far I`m 0 for 276 for walking around the block in hopes of finding a bag of money on the side of the road.
I`m convinced that every time a sock goes missing from the dryer, it comes back as an extra tupperware lid.
Thank you Lord for this delicious meal we are about to Instagram.
Someone told me I`m immature and need to grow up. Guess who`s not allowed in my treehouse now.
I hate that feeling when you feel you wrote something good on facebook and then nobody likes your status. Depressing... :(
Three words to ruin a woman`s ego. "I can`t tell."
When someone tells you they are getting a divorce, a high five is not the right answer. Or so I`ve been told, twice now.
I asked him about his weekend, but apparently what happens in vagueness, stays in vagueness.
There are two types of people...don`t worry you are not one of them.
Its so cold out, I actually saw a gangsta with his pants UP!
Why do we feel safe under blankets? It’s not like a murderer will come in thinking “I’m gonna ki..-ahhh. Damn, he’s under a blanket.”
I just wanna be the reason your doctor puts you on a new medication.