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I bet Waldo`s parents are worried sick.
When a bird hits your window have you ever wondered if God is playing angry birds with you?
If you live in a custom-built house that doesn’t have a secret room hidden behind a fake bookcase, then seriously what is the point?
Offering a homeless dude $5 from across the street is my version of Frogger.
I`m pretty sure country music singers are all just the same guy wearing different hats.
Have you ever noticed the irony behind “hyphenated” and “non-hyphenated”?
I like to think I`m special, because the thought of idiots like me existing in large numbers is f*cking terrifying.
Some people come into our lives & leave footprints on our hearts. Others come into our lives & make us wanna leave footprints on their face...
Why Am I Sober? - A Horror Story
Sometimes you just have to logout...
If turning alcohol into bad decisions ever becomes an Olympic event, I`m bringin` home the Gold! USA! USA!
Apparently showing the pharmacist a picture of my wife was not a good enough reason to get Valium without a prescription.
I`ve seen bride magazines but have yet to see "Eager Groom" magazines.
Don’t you hate when the person you’re Facebook-stalking never updates anything.
I sent off for some information on my family tree. They sent me back a packet of seeds and suggested it would be in my best interest that I just start over.