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If people are what they eat, some people must eat a lot of stupid.
I`ve had frozen pizza and delivery pizza in the same day, b!tch you don`t know me.
Lots of people waiting in lines today. Did a new iPhone just come out?
Do these `Skinny Jeans` make my blood circulation look more than purple or less than purple?
I should start carrying a pool noodle in my car and randomly smack cars when stuck in traffic
If Eve sacraficed the whole human race for Apple, I wonder what she would have done for a Klondike Bar?
It`s Friday the 13th. Good thing I`m not superstitious, it`s unlucky to be superstitious...
I feel sorry for historians, they have such a hard time letting go of the past.
Most computer problems are caused by a loose nut between the chair and the keyboard.
Old video games couldn`t be won. They just got harder and harder until you died. Just like real life.
Some things make you go hmm. Some things make you go ugh! I make you go "Did he really just say that?"
Every time I see a pregnant woman, I very much want to ask if she swallowed a watermelon seed.
You call it camping. I call it getting drunk with insects.
Why do people with bad breath always have to tell me secrets??
You know that really private/embarrassing stuff you say to your girlfriend when no one else is around? Her friends know all that sh!t.