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So, basically Alexa is just some know-it-all with no actual job skills.
As I looked at my naked body in the mirror, I thought to myself: "I`m going to get thrown out of this home depot in a minute."
I`m sorry but, I could not hear you over the sound of my internal hope that you would shut the f*ck up.
Iām bored enough to clean.
The only thing alcohol can`t cure is alcoholism.
So can we just skip to summer now?
I try to live each day like it`s my last, which is why I rarely have clean socks. Who wants to wash socks on the last day of their life?
Digging through a box in the closet and I found a picture of me sitting on Santa`s lap. Hard to believe that was almost 2 years ago.
Confuse your coworkers today by telling them you`re going to the restroom to do a "number 3"
YOU WANNA PIECE OF THIS!?!?! ~me, aggressively handing out cake
I love Costco. You don`t go there thinking you`re gonna buy a 12-pack of watermelons but you`ll probably leave with one.
You could pleasure me just by walking away.
There are two types of people I can`t stand. Nosy people, and people who won`t tell me what`s going on.
Went by the bank today and the female teller was flirting with me which was weird considering she saw my account balance.
Our swear jar is always empty because of all the god damn foul mouthed thieves that live in this f*cking house.