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How easily you’re offended is directly proportional to how dumb you are.
I would like to wish all of the groundhogs a very safe and happy Groundhogs Day.
I can`t even tell what this thing in my fridge use to be.
My neighbors look at me in a very weird way.. it’s like they never saw a guy with binoculars before.
Have you ever laughed so hard that no sound comes out and you sit there clapping your hands like a retarded seal?
Sorry to burst your bubble, but your waiter doesn`t really think your choice was excellent.
The buses don`t go where you live do they.
Hey, how long are you supposed to chase someone after they steal your wallet? Cause I`m getting tired of running and he`s catching up to me.
Whatever doesn’t kill me makes me all like, “Whoa! That was close!”
You see a mouse trap, I see free cheese and a challenge. ;)
When someone tries to tell me they can`t do something, I`m like "you ever hear of the Power of Grayskull?"
Looks don’t matter to me if you’re attractive.
We`re like hot chocolate and marshmallows. You`re hot, and I wanna be on top of you.
Your clothes are making me extremely uncomfortable. Please, take them off.
If people who shop at Walmart, “Save Money. Live Better.” Exactly how bad were these people living BEFORE Walmart?