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I saw a fat kid sitting on a seesaw all by himself. I stopped and waited for another kid to fall from the sky. I left disappointed.
You left a note on the fridge saying "This isn`t working. Goodbye" but I opened it and it was working perfectly well. I don`t get it.
This would be a "Good Morning!" status update, but it`s not, because morning sucks.
Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! -Librarians arguing
When sliding down the banister of life, always make sure that the end is knob free!
If there`s one thing in this world that everyone can agree on it`s... "Goonies never say die!"
You`d be surprised at how many times I`ve gone home, when i hear someone tell me "Go hard or Go home".
I woke up with a headache this morning but she went to work.
Someday, somewhere, somehow Iām going to do something.
Playing dead in the supermarket to avoid having a conversation with someone you know attracts more attention than I anticipated...go figure.
Heat makes things expand. So I don`t have a weight problem...I`m just HOT.
My girlfriend asked me to send some dirty pics. So I sent her a picture of my sink full of dishes. :)
The world is full of nice guys who want naughty girls who want bad boys who want nice girls who want nice guys.
I stopped watching the History Channel because it`s so outdated.
Starting to think my wife might have a tumor. She`s had a headache for the past 15 years.