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Welcome back to plastic surgery anonymous. Nice to see so many new faces here today.
I wish I could afford to be as weird as I wanna be.
Look at the keyboard. It has `U` and `I` together. Look underneath that. It says `JK`.
I exercised once, but found I was allergic to it. My skin flushed and my heart raced. I got sweaty and short of breath. Very dangerous.
Under no circumstances shall a call be made to another male after 2 a.m., unless its to get bailed out of jail.
How to meet a girl: 1) Walk into a bar. 2) Shout “Heroes in a half shell.” 3) When a girl yells back “Turtle Power,” marry her.
Thought for the day : Why was the cat in the bag in the first place?
Why doesn`t, "I have a headache!" work for when I don`t want to mow the yard?
Her dad said he`d like to see me make an honest woman out of her. I had to resist the urge to tell him that ship sailed long before me.
Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes and sighing heavily and crossing her arms and holding in a fart.
Sometimes, even I`m afraid of the things my mind comes up with.
Apparently, playing dead only works on bears not ex boyfriends.
Roasted beef is like regular beef except the cows family tells embarrassing stories about it, which are tough and tasteless.
If a turtle doesnt have a shell, is it naked or homeless ?
Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.