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People who think I’m not a religious person should see me when the airplane starts to shake.
Fellas; There’s no heterosexual way of taking a selfie.
Turns out fantasy football is nothing like I thought it would be. Anyone interested in a naughty quarterback outfit? Serious inquiries only.
There is really no way of knowing how many chameleons are in the room right now.
Stop asking why I’m still single. I don’t ask how you’re still married.
Sometimes when I wave my hands in the air, I actually do care.
Worrying is a waste of time. It doesn’t change anything. It messes with your mind & steals your happiness.
Old video games couldn`t be won. They just got harder and harder until you died. Just like real life.
Whew! Thank you warning label I was actually considering using my new floor lamp in the shower.
If Santa doesn`t bring me something good I`m going to pee in his lap like I did when I was eight.
I need a "previously on your life" recap for the things I didn`t pay attention to.
When is National Slap a Co-worker Day? ... Please say tomorrow
Well, well, well. Guess who the grocery store clerk asked to come back soon?
I do what I want, when I want, where I want.. if my mom says its ok. :)
Wow, it`s beautiful outside. I should probably do something. Like close the blinds so there isn`t a glare on my screen.