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Ladys, if you`re in an argument with a guy and there`s no may to win. Start playing with your boobs...works every time.
I like to imagine that braille on random public signs often says: “How did you know this was here?”
Your kid is running around the store screaming at the top of his lungs annoying everyone and I`m the a$$hole for tripping him?
Tomorrow the world shall be ours! Until then, good night my evil minions!!
can say whatever the hell I want as my Facebook Status, and nobody will be offended as long as I smile at the end. Example: I hate everybody today :) - LOL
I have an irrational fear of speedbumps… but, I’m slowly getting over it.
One of the major benefits of using a combined 2 in 1 shampoo/conditioner is having enough room leftover on the shower caddy for the beer.
All shoes are technically buy one get one free.
I do my best proofreading after I hit `send`.
Helpful Tip: You can’t get in trouble for leaving work early if you disable the security cameras and crawl out the air-conditioning duct.
I live like I type, fast and with lots of mistakes!
"American Pie" ruined it for any kid that actually does have an amazing story from band camp.
So it turns out being an adult is mostly just googling how to do stuff.
You know you’re a mom, when someone says they have a stomach ache and you ask if they pooped today.
I’m the type of person who looks at the menu for five minutes but ends up ordering the same exact thing every time.