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I hate it when a website greets me with a pop-up window. It just feels like you should say hi first, maybe buy me a drink.
My son just accused me of making stuff up. I wouldn`t mind but I don`t even have any children!
That annoying feeling when you finally downloaded the movie you wanted to watch and BOOM!... It`s in French. #F**kYouFrance
I was on way home this morning when I seen an AA van pulled in and the driver was crying his eyes out. I thought to myself that guy is heading for a breakdown.
It`s friday!! I smell vodka ;)
I bet it’s called Almond Milk, because no one would buy Nut Juice.
Loneliness is when your sleeve unrolls itself while washing dishes and you try to roll it back up with your face.
Been there, done that. Hypothetically
Money may not buy happiness but it can certainly improve the quality of your misery
I have a pornographic memory... Go ahead and get naked, I`ll remember you.
If you want funny, get off Facebook and watch the news...
My last relationship was almost as complicated as the knot my pocket created with my headphones.
Our parents did the same sh!t too, they`re just liars.
Does the employee manual say I CAN`T set up my camping tent inside my cubicle? No? Then please step outside & zip the door up behind you.
The cashier at this self checkout is horrible.