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Shout out to the new couples still holding in farts..
My neighbours were listening to some pretty cool music until the a$$holes asked me to turn it down.
I told my wife I wanted to be cremated. She made me an appointment for tomorrow afternoon.
Apparently slim chance and fat chance have the same meaning.
"Okay" means you`re in the clear. "K" means you`re better off not coming home. Fellas, you know what I`m talking about.
The Brain ? Forgets what I want to remember, Remembers what I want to forget.
"Nothing is impossible." I disagree. I`m doing nothing right now... it`s totally possible.
"With a stroke of a pen your name can live on forever in a quote!... Unknown,
Not clicking like on this status makes your a$$ look fat.
Silence is Golden, unless you`re married.. Then Silence is Suspicious.
is experiencing life at a rate of several wtf´s a minute
I know it’s rain but I hate when my coworker tell me how many inches they got last night.
I`m sorry. Putting up with your sh!t isn`t on my To-Do list today.
There are sick days, paid holidays, and vacation days. What about "Don`t have any gas to make it to work days"
My mind is telling me nooo... But my body... My body`s telling me yesss...BABY. Cashier: Sir...would you like fries with that or not?