Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Based on the sound of her walking.. My upstairs neighbor seems like the kind of woman that starts sentences with; "Fee-Fi-Fo-Fum.".. O_o
when girls say bye .......... may be it means buy something for her.....
Put on my workout clothes before going to the donut store just to give the impression I earned this.
Cool things about being a turtle: 1. Born with a free house attached to you 2. Super chill 3. Could potentially mutate into a ninja
If your friends don`t make fun of you, they`re not really your friends.
If I`ve learned anything from these ghost hunter shows, it’s that everyone speaks English after they die.
Why is it when you have a day off you seem to bounce out off bed at 6am, but the days you go to work, it takes a forklift and 2 sticks of dynamite to separate me from my pillow??
I’m alone in my car. Counting it as a vacation.
Apparently some strangers don’t need a hug.
My bucket list: 4 drumsticks, 2 thighs, 2 mashed potatoes with gravy, and 2 biscuits. Extra crispy.
Press 1 for someone who probably learned English last month, but is going to try and communicate effectively with you anyway.
All I`m saying is if I`m not allowed to give a monkey a gun at the zoo they should have a sign.
Thought I was having deja-vu. But it turns out, I do the exact same things every day.
How I talk: 25% swearing, 25% sarcasm 50% a combination of both.
So I met an Egyptian ... they walk just like us.