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If there is no chocolate in heaven...I AM NOT GOING!
It`s not so much that I wanted to drink the whole bottle of wine, I just couldn`t figure out how to get the cork back in it.
I carry a knife, but it’s just in case of cake.
Haters gonna hate, your honor
trying to do something before the microwave is finished is sort of like trying to complete the countdown maths problem on countdown...
If you feel down because you had a bad day! Chin up! Tomorrow is another day and the worst has yet to come!
They should really be Middle-Age Mutant Business Turtles by now.
I remember when the internet was two tin cans and a string.
According to my nipples, there is a 99% chance it`s cold as hell right now!
As a kid, my parents told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, this is called "Identity Theft".
Every snack you make, every meal you bake, every bite you take, I`ll be watching you. - Dog
This relationship is going to be weird if you keep pretending I`m not your boyfriend.
"Has anybody ever seen a chicken fly? No? Good, there`s nothing wrong with ya"
Afraid my muffin top is desiring to become a pound cake.
MARRIAGE TIP: Don`t get fat.