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We´re responsible for most of what happens to us, the rest is probably Voodoo.
It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do!
I`m starting to think mosquitoes just land on our faces not to suck blood but to see how stupid we look when we slap ourselves.
Have we considered putting Scooby Doo and the gang on the Malaysian airplane caper?
I’m not shy, I’m holding back my awesomeness, so I don’t intimidate you..
You know what the cheapest meat is? Deer balls ... They`re under a buck
The new neighbors moved in today. I brought them a box of condoms to show how much I don`t want anymore children living on our street.
Facebook has suggested that I POKE you.
A fun thing to yell at a magic show is "BURN HIM, HE`S A WITCH"
Really don`t see the need for pants for the rest of this day. :)
TRUE FRIENDSHIP: Walking into a persons house and your wifi connects automatically.
I dont believe in beating my kids, so I make them wear a Justin Bieber shirt & crocs to school so the other kids will do it for me.
He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
You ever want to just grab someone and say, WTF is wrong with you?
I really think my life would be a lot better if my fitness app would just lower its standards