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No matter how prepared you think you are, a retractable vacuum cord will always find the weakness in your defense.
I hate it when people beg for likes, like if you agree?
It’s a humbling moment when you realize your dog or cat has actually trained you to do something.
Todays hot tip: Boomerangs and Attention Deficit Disorder don`t mix.
"This is the ride that killed Jimmy." - me in a long line, loudly, at amusement parks
What do you mean this posting of the BBQ ribs you made is not an invite?
I should be able to take a sick day if I am sick of the people I work with.
I`m living in a drama-free bubble today. Respect the bubble people, respect it!
I`ve got my wise-ass in my smartypants so I`m ready for anything!
My mom just sent me a friend request on Facebook! Finally I can use that "I`m not your friend I`m your mother" speech to my advantage.
Once in a while, someone amazing will come into your life. And here I am!
I usually want to post intelligent and witty comments. But I end up posting stupid and funny ones so my friends can understand them.
I started drinking a little early. Yesterday, to be more precise.
Hell is having a married couple tell you a story at the same time.
Ever wish the choice you made and the “right thing to do” were the same thing?