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Roses are red vilouts are blue your moms beautiful what happened to you!
Kids eat free today? Nice... In that case, I`ll have a water and my son will have the steak and shrimp combo with a kids bud light.
I have no problem texting while driving, but I won’t text while going down stairs. That sh!t’s dangerous.
Just changed my wireless network name in my apartment to "I can hear you having sex through the ceiling and it sounds mediocre."
You can`t be ugly and play hard to get. It just doesn`t work that way...your already hard to want
As I was signing into my email account instead of yahoo.com I typed hayoo.com...nope, it wasn`t right but I got to thinking it would be quite appropriate, afterall, we`re trying to get someone`s attention, right?
Your name should be Gelette because you`re the best a man can get
I really respect people that don`t drink excessively, gamble, curse, do drugs, spend excessively, act irresponsibly and stay up late. And by "respect" I mean "don`t wanna hang out with"
When I die I want Charlie Sheen’s life to flash before my eyes.
First Rule of Camping: Put up the tent before you start drinking.
Left the toilet seat up. Wife screaming in 5, 4, 3, 2...
A man who scratches his butt should not bite fingernails!
They say laughter is the best medicine... found out that`s not true for treating diarrhea.
I like to reward myself for getting up on time by laying in bed for another 20 minutes.
I put the PRO in inappropriate!