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3 things I will never understand: 1. The meaning of life. 2. The universe. 3. How Spongebob & Patrick made those sounds effects in that box.
Remember kids, the Toys R Us bankruptcy and liquidation teaches us that poor spelling and grammar will always catch up with you eventually.
Before having any kids make sure you’re done sleeping and doing things you like to do.
Someone once said that I should always treat other people how I would like to be treated. Now I`m facing sexual harassment charges.
Make sure your goals are unattainable so you`ll feel a little better about giving up later
Technically, Humpty Dumpty died a crack head
My left buttcheek fell asleep. I`m Half-a$$ing everything I do for the next ten minutes.
A sign on the wall of the drug store said, "Ask the pharmacist if you have questions." How would the pharmacist know if I have questions?
You say tomato, I say summertime snowball.
A graham cracker is just a white dude selling coke in the ghetto.
It`s not their fault, per se, but at some point, Crayola has to be held responsible for continuing to make crayons nostril-width.
I hope Breaking Bad ends with Jesse waking up from a dream in the middle of Mr. White`s chemistry class.
I`m painting a blue square in the backyard... so Google Earth thinks I have a pool.
“Nothing is impossible.” I disagree. I’m doing nothing right now… it’s totally possible.
If you heard twenty minutes of moaning from my bedroom that was just me trying to stand up.