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Do stupid people ever hit a point in their life, where they realize they’re stupid?
Lazy fact #128540162, You were too lazy to read that number.
A broken clock is right twice a day. I guess what I am saying is, that a broken clock is right more than you.
What do you call a black woman with braces?... A Black and Decker P@cker Wrecker!
The only way I want to see your ultrasound picture is if you`re having a velociraptor.
Ever met a boring and stable girl who was good in bed? Exactly.
if your an astronaut, and you don`t end a relationship with "look, I just need space.." then your wasting everyones time
Did you ever stop to think that maybe vodka is addicted to ME?
You can tell Monopoly is an old game because there’s a luxury tax and rich people can go to jail.
I`m not saying Goldilocks was a piece of sh!t, but she broke into someone`s house and just started eating their breakfast.
If you tickle me, I’m not responsible for your injuries.
Adam didn`t take any crap from Eve. He wore the plants in that relationship
If you would`ve told me back in 1999 that we`d still be using animated gifs in 2015, I would`ve said "Wow, what a boring conversation"
Want your favorite song to become your least favorite song? Just make it your alarm tune.
You know a woman really loves you when she vandalizes your car after an argument.