Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
At first, I had my doubts about using autocorrect. But my new phone probed me wrong. PROVED DAMNIT! PROVED!
Wine is just grapes for procrastinators.
I`m really wanting to sit and watch a movie with my boyfriend. Can anyone recommend a good boyfriend?
Wanna come over tonight for pizza and sex? lol jk, there`s no pizza
My wife said to me: "If you won the lottery, would you still love me?" I said: "Of course I would. I`d miss you, but I`d still love you."
My life coach is the cashier at the liquor store.
You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
Like a stoned man once said, I can`t remember.
Ziploc`s idea of how big a sandwich should be is very different from mine.
Some people can’t sleep because they have insomnia. I can’t sleep because I have Internet.
If tit for tat doesn`t mean flashing guys with tattoos, than I`ve been doing it wrong this whole time.
7.1 billion people in the world. 0 willing to lower their standards and date me.
I`m not saying I`m out of shape but I just stretched, got winded, and need to lie down
Look, here’s the deal: If you’re into immature, sexually compulsive men who drink too much and need to be the center of attention at all times, you are going to find me very attractive.
My wife asks me to remind her about stuff. That way if she forgets something, it`s my fault.