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My internet addiction is getting alt of ctl.
I like to drink while I clean and that`s how I found out what Febreze tastes like.
I slept with my best friend’s wife last night and now I feel terrible. …. ….. She must have given me a cold or something.
Are you guys sure common sense can`t be beaten into people ? Because I`d like to give it try!
All alcohol will make my clothes fall off… tequila just makes that happen in public.
I’m in no shape to exercise.
The most frustrating thing I`ve ever tried to do was throw away a trash can.
No matter how many lives you have in Candy Crush, you’ll still never get your own back.
If you try to fail but you succeed which have you done?
Couldn`t stay awake sitting on the couch, so I laid down in bed to make sure I wouldn`t fall asleep
I went for window shopping , and guest what , I bought four windows....
My Kid: Can we go to a haunted house this year? Me: What`s wrong with the one we live in? My Kid: WHAT?! Me: Goodnight, son.
Do angry people know about naps?
Some people are just beautifully wrapped boxes of crap.
I like to think that people that unfriend me wake up months later regretting that irreversible and life altering decision.