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Don`t rush me, I`m waiting until the last minute.
is actually feeling pretty much okay about not accomplishing anything this year.
My idiot future husband is out there somewhere pushing a pull door. I just know it.
Karma’s only a bitch if you are.
Anything is possible with the right attitude and a sledgehammer
I like to walk around the house naked. Until the cops chase me back inside.
God is creative... I mean look at me??
Sometimes its better to eliminate the problem rather than trying to solve it.
If I`ve offended you in the past, please accept my apology, and shove it up your a$$.
I don`t drink these days. I`m allergic to alcohol and narcotics. I break out in handcuffs.
Lower your expectations and I will totally amaze you.
Spice up your Facebook experience by making your status updates your google searches.
It would be great if there was an app that deletes your phone number from other people`s phones.
Now if you’ll excuse me, tonight’s bad decisions aren’t going to make themselves.
Sorry I got really drunk and ended up being really mouthy and offensive at your party next week.